"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our heats through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."
Just yesterday I applied for my next loan to pay for another semester at Biola. I always hate this time of year because it reminds me how much in debt I am for my schooling. I'm scared to graduate because I will have quite a bit of debt to face and my future goal to be a high school teacher at a private school does not promise a high salary. The past two years have been a journey for me learning to trust God, not just in an intangible way of trusting his salvation, but in a very real, material way.
So many times I have wondered why I have to deal with this, why God couldn't have provided more scholarships as he has done for my other friends. But lately, I've been realizing that, even though it's hard and frightening, it's the best that God could be doing with me. Suffering and hardship is not an evil to be avoided. It is an opportunity to develop character which leads to hope as Paul says.
If I had a full-ride scholarship, how different would I be? I wouldn't have to work as much, so I would less stressed out. The money I did make I would actually be able to spend on something other than college. But isn't it when I'm the most stressed that God teaches me that I am weak and He is strong? And what would I spend my money on? Things I would covet but then throw away in a couple years? How easily I would fall into the attitude that I can take care of myself. Thank you Jesus for providing eternal salvation, but while I'm still alive I can take care of myself, thank you very much.
This seemingly horrible situation of having to save basically every penny I make and looking forward to years of hard work in the future may not be so bad after all. God is teaching me that I cannot take care of myself in a very literal, present way. He is not letting me get swept up into the culture of having new gadgets and being obsessed with having new, stylish clothes. He pushes me more and more to challenge me to truly trust Him in every part of my life.
Some may ask, why God are you letting this happen to me? But faith is credited to you as righteousness. (Romans 4:22) Without hardship, it is too easy to believe that you don't need God until you're on your deathbed. If life was just peachy, I would dare to ask God: I am so sinful. Why are you not allowing suffering so that I may learn endurance and develop character? Righteousness is our goal, not ease. Therefore, I rejoice not only that I am saved for eternity, but also that my present hardships are preparing me for eternity.
I Peter 1:7
